The 3 Stages of a Dangerously Obsessive Ex

There’s nothing like the thrill of new love — the intensity, the excitement, the obsession. We think about him constantly. Our moods shift in parallel to her smile or frown. It’s purely a matter of willpower that keeps us in touch with our family and friends because, if truth be known, he or she is the only person we want to be with.

Then, typically somewhere between six months and two years, our relationship becomes real. The chemistry of the initial attraction is replaced by a conscious assessment of how the other person’s vision and values mesh with ours. Whether or not the relationship deepens into something substantial and long-lasting depends on how suitable we are for each other as life partners. It also depends on the psychological health of the individuals involved.

In fact, for a minority of unstable individuals, the mutual infatuation stage morphs into something quite different — a one-sided obsession in which one partner increasingly attempts to mold and shape the other into an object with which he or she can play out their fantasy. Individuals who develop these obsessive interpersonal relationships often have psychological problems that prevent the normal progression of a romantic relationship. Independence is seen as rejection; physical or emotional distance is viewed as a threat. As a result, there is a repeated attempt to possess…