Oh, Klara, my heart hurts for you. I don't know what to say except that you are not alone, that thousands of us have had similar stories, experiences and heartbreaks in some way or another and we all wrap our arms around you. There's always hope. One of the most remarkable people I ever met was a substance abuse counselor who truly never gave up on anyone. One day I asked him how he could keep on keeping on and he told me that he had been through twenty-three rehabs before he got sober for good. He couldn't tell me why twenty-two failed and the twenty-third stuck. But I can tell you the work he did after he recovered was truly remarkable.