I can relate to the grief and to the "not wanting to go alone" part. For the grief, I have no advice other than we learn to ride those grief waves a little better with time. The going alone part? One of my tricks is the "ten minute" rule; I just have to stay for ten minutes and then I can come up with an excuse and leave. I have yet to do it; the hard part is always walking in and, once I make it in, I usually have more fun than I anticipate. But there's something about given myself an out that helps me stay in. :)