3 Tips to Stay Safe When an Ex Becomes a Stalker

Stalking is in the news: An ex-cop from Ohio was recently sentenced to 33 months in prison for stalking his former girlfriend; a Texas man charged with stalking Taylor Swift was arrested; and an Ohio man stands accused of stalking his ex multiple times even after she obtained a restraining order against him. A campus magazine article bemoans the rise in stalking on college campuses. Reports estimate that victims know their stalker about 75 percent of the time, and almost 25 percent of victims are stalked by an ex.

This is not a post about the safety measures every stalking victim should take: There are better sources to help you understand those. I want to talk about the mental mistakes that can blind a stalking victim to the true danger of her situation or can lead her to do the wrong thing-even after it’s clear that her boyfriend is no longer her best friend and, in fact, may be her mortal enemy. Understanding these three mistakes might save your life.

1. Minimizing or rationalizing a stalker’s behavior. Some stalkers give warning signals in the early throes of romance-bombarding you with texts and emails or jealously attempting to control your time, energy, and attention -but other signals don’t surface until the relationship is over.